the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
