This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
