considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
