he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
