just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I will pee on everything he values.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
