We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You don't make any sense
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