P.S. I can't hear my feet
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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