So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
