you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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