And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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