he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
