I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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