Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
