Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
