I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
