first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I didn't notice because vodka
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
