Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
