I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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