i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
