Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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