oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
