It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
