Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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