we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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