I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
