every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
