is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
