moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
