Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
