just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Barsexuality is the new black.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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