..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
