He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
