He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
