I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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