Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I need a burrito and a hug.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
