Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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