The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
