I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there's paper in my vomit.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
