the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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