I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
