It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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