Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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