Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
