We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sext me about skeletons
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
