the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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