I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
