i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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