Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What a fucking waste of an outfit
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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