Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
