im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
