Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
