You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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