If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
