im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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