maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
