I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I love you. Go after that dick
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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