Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
